As a cognitive behavior therapist, I get many referrals from parents, doctors or other professionals related to acting out. It seems the trend is to medicate and “make it stop”. What if the behavior is the only way a child can communicate his/her needs and then, we medicate and/or shame them for “bad behavior”?
Sometimes, behavior will stop with the introduction of medication but it may be because of sedation, changes in brain chemistry or hopelessness because the person they trusted to hear them didn’t. What if the behavior was simply to get your attention focused on them so they could ask for what they need - but you never listened or inquired “why are you acting this way?”
Many times, a child will have been in therapy before and “nothing changed” so you quit prematurely and resort to medication. What if it is because you didn’t ask, listen or understand? Most of us don’t want to change because it is unknown and brings about fear. Most children are not capable of facing their fear alone so they need a trusted adult. Maybe “nothing changed” because no one asked the right questions. The best question I ask - ever - is “so, what is really going on?” And the most avoided question in therapy is often, “has anyone been hurting you?” because the therapist either has their own unresolved issues or doesn’t feel equipped to handle certain situations so they use their own fear response to avoid. You see, we are all alike.
The very best thing to do is always check it out, look for solutions that don’t involve medications unless you have exhausted all other efforts. Don’t give up on your child or just do whatever others tell you. Find the reason for the behavior and work to resolve the underlying issue. Then, the therapist can then help the parent learn specific skills to communicate more effectively.
We have a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner from Psych Solutions in the office and she always wants to know what have we done before approaching a medication. There are so many ways to help a child but first we have to notice - behavior is purposeful.
