Get Out Of Your Own Way

One of the most important steps in "getting healthy" in your mind is to clear out all of the old stuff that has not worked so far.  When I talk with people, I pay special attention to what they say about their past and then look for remnants of that in their present.  

If you have "always" done something a certain way and you find yourself miserable ~ what would make you think that continuing that would lead you to HaPpY?  

• Define what HaPpY looks like for you.  Draw the picture.  State the qualities YOU will possess.  Identify the types of people you want in your life and surround yourself with them.  Throw away the idea that someone needs to look a certain way because that is very changeable over time. You must like the person under the skin.  Don't spend time with people who drain you.  
• Take an inventory of your life ~ disappointments and successes will give you a clue what to do more of.   Be honest with yourself and WRITE IT DOWN.  If you can see it on paper and not just in your minds' eye, you will be more objective.  That is the key to good therapy ~ being able to see the problem at hand.  We have a tendency to try to do this in our head and it gets all jumbled.  Think about this...if someone is giving you directions based on their landmarks, it is difficult to "see" but if they draw you a map "AH HA!"
• Ask someone you trust to outline some of the things they see you do and examine them without being defensive.  As a therapist, I remind clients, you may not like me or what I say at times but  it is important for me to give you another view to examine.   You must look at another way or you will stay stuck.
• Practice letting things be.  The mistake people often make is trying to control events in their life.  Sometimes, trying to control with your old values or rules (that got you where you are) will land you end up deeper in the same hole.  Practice pausing and just taking things as they come.  The Universe has a way of working things out if you get out of the way.   

And, remember the lesson you need to learn will be presented to you until you learn it.   The sooner you define your HaPpY, become objective, and practice letting things be ~ the more content you will be.