Say NO To Conflict

When a client says, "I don't like to fight" but then repeatedly shares the chaos from their day, I question their intention.  I do this out loud because the message they are sending by sharing the conflict is that they bring it into existence.  

It really is quite simple...if you don't like to fight ~ don't.  I teach clients how to regain their power by demonstrating Turn Heel and Walk.  This strategy is only body language that states very loudly, "No thank you! I would rather not engage."   You simply make an about face and move in the opposite direction.  When this is demonstrated, the client can sense the power differential that has just changed and state that it leaves them feeling silenced.  When I ask them to practice this skill, they report, "it doesn't matter what you said to engage me.  Once I move away, I feel powerful."  Keep in mind, you never want to turn your back to someone who might hurt you.  

Silence conveys the same message but is often more difficult to do because it keeps you in the same space (that is often intimidating).  You can even agree with the aggressor to shock them.  If you agree, there is no argument to be had.  This doesn't mean that you believe their statement, it simply means you don't care to challenge them.  This sends the message that what they think doesn't matter to you.  In all instances, you still hold the power.