When relationships end, most people describe themselves as broken. Broken because of the changes. Usually, the actual problem that started the beginning of the end is not holding your truth. This ever flexing and bending in our day to day interaction creates issues that take you further and further from your truth. The real emotion could probably better be described as “broken expectations”. It didn’t turn out how you had hoped or imagined.
How does this happen? What is the real issue at hand. Usually, when people go back and examine the relationship, it is because they stopped sharing thoughts because of the reaction they received. They were uncomfortable in the resistance so they changed. We do not like discomfort - especially in our relationships. If you do this enough, you end up not even recognizing who you are at the end of the relationship. Then, therapy is necessary to “find yourself”.
What if we held our expectations? What if we didn’t morph ourselves to keep the other person comfortable in their habit. Habits are replayed year after year because we aren’t aware. If the habits are observed, discussed and we stay open to adjustments that create “wins” for both people, imagine the relationship potential.
An example of maintaining a habit that breaks expectations. “You are always too busy to talk”. Staying busy doing what? Sometimes, the busy is just an excuse to avoid the conversation. Each of us has time in a day. Sometimes, we shift the priority to “sleeping, leisure, spending time with others around, filling our time with more work or we just keep moving so we can avoid discomfort.”
If we have a goal of long term relationship, happiness and comfort ~ we have to be risk being uncomfortable sometimes ~ so we can evaluate from the other person’s perspective. Spending time checking the direction of the relationship is healthy. Focusing on the “win-win” that started your relationship and adjusting your “habits” to maintain the win status keeps relationships healthy. 🌀
