One of the most common issues discussed in therapy is … relationship struggles.
Relationships are tricky because humans struggle. They struggle with being real. They struggle with the truth, understanding their emotions, self expression and not taking on others issues.
The confusion that comes to most relationships is simply people shifting to adjust based on what they believe (guess) the other person is thinking, needing, wanting. But, the trick is … it’s all a guess based on who you are. It rarely has anything to do with what’s real. It’s history, it’s assumptions, it predictions, it’s pretending.
💥 here comes the beginning of the end of what you had minutes before.
What if we were able to know ourself, identify our needs, express our needs clearly, hold expectations and maintain our genuine truths while interacting with another? What would our relationships look like?
Well, this gets complicated because most don’t know how to start this - know self. There is a universe that moves around us, not knowing at all who we are. And, we have spent years of flexing and bending to intermingle. We, with a history, having not made sense of anything, we are just absorbing. How much can we actually take credit for in how our life turns out?
The best outcome occurs when one remains open, knows self, takes responsibility for their own emotions and stays the course - regardless of what other people are doing. This rarely happens because of the habits we have from years of being unknown even to self.
Here are some examples of you struggling:
1) Saying sorry when you really aren’t.
2) Agreeing to something “to keep the peace” all while feeling very uncomfortable in your own skin.
3) Habitually saying, “I love you” simply because you are hanging up the phone.
4) Giving a peck on the lips when entering or leaving a space when you actually crave more.
5) Changing your direction completely because of the response from another person.
6) Wanting to say something but holding it because you fear the response it will evoke.
7) Believing strongly in something but not sharing your thoughts for fear of judgement.
8) Playing the part. Wearing the badge of a professional while not acting with integrity.
9) Ignoring your needs while tending to another’s needs because you don’t value yourself.
10) Ending up in a relationship with no truth, fear based communication, habitual intimacy and no self.
The “helpers” in the world will likely always have a job because of our society’s willingness to accept less, deny more, and pretend ~ hence, unhappiness. I would actually prefer to be out of work in a world where we all know self, have integrity, and talk straight. 🌀
