Working with children gives things such an amazing perspective.  All behavior is purposeful.  Every referral to Possibility Junction comes with its own unique story.  It’s my job to help each person write their own special ending to the story they were struggling to manage.  

Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is simply ask a child ... what is the reason for your behavior.   Nine times out of ten, they will tell you.  Decoding their manner of telling you is where the skill lies.  Children will do almost anything to “save face” and not use what we adults know are good communication skills.  So, I get on the their level - and sometimes that means throwing a tantrum with them.  Yes, I do that.  Sometimes it means waiting for them to gain control of their crying so they can use their voice.  And, sometimes it means saying, “Johnny, please look at me so I can make sure I am hearing everything you say” and then I wait until they comply.  That means quite often there is a long, pregnant pause or complete silence for however long it takes.  You see, when you model good communication with a child, you teach them something that will pay them for the rest of their lifetime.  

Nonetheless, children act up.  They can often carry the symptoms for something much bigger that is happening in the family.  So, parents, teachers, coaches, ministers - we are all called to follow the symptom to the source.  So many people are focused on children fitting into their perfect box that they miss out on the real needs.  I am a strong believer in Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs.  If you don’t build the strong foundation of trust and safety then kids won’t be able to learn accountability, self regulation and behavioral control.  

So, if you encounter a child with misbehavior - ask the child to communicate their needs, be patient while they learn how to effectively communicate and ALWAYS make sure their basic physical and safety needs are met.  Ask the tough questions.  Wouldn’t it be an awful injustice to punish a child for not doing homework only to find that their power was turned off, they had no light to study with and they were cold and hungry?  Or punishing a child with timeout or no recess because of a tantrum in the classroom because they were being sexually abused at home and you are the only person they have to tell and the tantrum is the way they know to get attention.  It happens every single day in my work and I uncover these things because I look “in”.  Be the person a child needs you to be.